Assent brand manager

Budget cuts

Started the year with a budget of $900K and cut it down to $600K four months into the financial year!  My technique for “budget defense and protection” obviously needs work.

But it sure impacts your perception in the business and future promotions.  And somehow they turn it around to being your fault; “You should have had a more inspirational plan, then people would be more committed...”.  You’ve got to spend money to make money.

Brand planning – feeling like a pro

After your third year of Brand planning, the novelty really starts to wear off.  First of all, you go through analysis and months of hard work, trying to find the most captivating direction for your Brand.  WHY?  So your Brand will stand out the most.  WHY?  So you get the most budget.  WHY?  So you can get the most success and the next promotion.

But I’m now really digging deeper to achieve the wow factor as I start to become more mature and political, and understand the constraints better,  Now I try and shape the wow factor so they can’t possibly come up with an objection to my grand plan.  But what if I lose my edge because some whippersnapper comes along and dares to dream big...

I love my boss

I’ve told my boss about the problems we’re facing with the packaging department – they’re always stuffing up, holding up projects because they miss deadlines, putting lengthy timeframes on requests to begin with etc etc.

But he just says, “Go and speak to the Packaging Manager about it, and if you don’t get resolution I’ll speak to him”.

So I go and speak to the Packaging Manager, and nothing changes – so then I think, “Well, how long do I have to wait for the next stuff up, before I can ask my boss to intervene?” making the whole issue even more of a pain.  Then finally, my boss finds the time to speak to the Packaging Manager and is all empathetic and comes back with a list of things I need to change.

Is there anyone out there working cross-functionally and getting results?  It’s funny; Marketing has been around forever, yet other departments treat us as if we’re from the Planet Zorg.  You know, “Oh, that’ll mean we have to recalibrate the intergalactic flow-through Heidelberg machine in the Gooddawindi Plant.  Fill this form in for me, and come back in a year or three.  Ho ho ho”.

Brand Managers – Project Managers

What’s the difference between a Brand Manager and a Project Manager?  Project Managers get trained.

I just feel like all I do is project-manage.  I’ve got five projects that I’m running to drive sales for my Brands.  That’s fine for this year, but I’m so flat out trying to keep multiple balls in the air and playing “policeman” with every other department to make sure we stay on track – I don’t have time to actually analyse the results or plan for the future.

How am I expected to come up with brilliant strategy, when all I’m really doing is managing project after project?  Not to mention investigating why sales are down in the Route Trade, what’s the problem behind the mould complaints, reading that research paper, developing the next ad.
And staying abreast of current trends...

I took a look at Microsoft Project recently (who hasn’t?) thinking, “Ah ha!  This’ll keep all of my cross-functional contacts honest”.  That little help thingie (is he called Clippit?) popped up and tapped the screen.  Is it just me, or does that tapping getting frigging annoying after a bit?

Anyway, Microsoft Project.  I add a few tasks; good, good.  Then start and end dates; oh yes, I’m liking this.  Put some names in against tasks; now, hold it – I’ve just deleted that name and the “!#?@#” program ate my task!

Next thing it says, “Do you want to save your work?”  I’m like, “No, you just ate it”.

Perhaps I’ll try Excel…

Eccentric Agency people

Found it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand today.

We had an Agency workshop and couldn’t seem to avert my gaze from the two Agency “relaunches” – that of the Account Director and Senior Creative.

Our Account Director has decided to go for the ponytail image (only 20 years too late).  The trouble is, he has thinning, grey/brown, slightly ratty hair only long enough to muster a one inch tail at this point in time – what goes through the mind?

What’s more, the Senior Creative has clearly gone for a bit of a shop and, let’s just say, mutton dressed as lamb is not just reserved for the female species.  The homeboy look is not one I would have considered appropriate (did not appreciate the ”Top of Jock” viewing so freely available today!).
Not sure that we achieved our objective of modernising the Brand’s imagery...?

I feel bad for them because they know we expect them to be like this, and there’s a huge pressure on them to embody the product.  But I guess, like good advertising, they need to do it with more art and not look like “try hards”.

Research that tells you nothing

Sometimes I think I might just take all the research money and invest it in building the Brand.

Nine times out of ten it ends up resulting in what my gut feel was anyway.  If I just had some time to think and do a quick survey of friends and family to confirm my hypothesis, I could save my budget $20K...!  The best bit, though, must be when the Researcher spots that the results are stating the bleeding obvious, and turns up the style.  You know, the slides with the library pics, and the clever titles for the newly revealed segments like “The Urban Warriors” or the “Newly Theres” or the “Aspiring Suburbanites”.  I mean, please – this is consumer marketing, not a weekend newspaper feature!

But the voice in my head says, “Nice try love”.  And what will they say when I go to the present my brilliant idea?  They will ask, “What’s your rationale?” and I’ll reply, “Just because I think it’s a good idea and you hired me for my brain and that’s what you pay me for... to think”.

But then again, maybe I won’t try and save that research money....

Career suicide

Oh my God.  I wish you could have been in the boardroom meeting today!

One of my fellow Brand Managers was presenting the history reel of advertising of his Brand and gave a brief analysis of the last ten years of core advertising, completely bagging the ad made in 1997 only to hear the General Manager recount the rationale, research results and sales results in detail… he was the Brand Manager who created it!

There’s only one way from here...  Does anyone have TPI’s phone number?!

Ten ways to occupy yourself during a boring meeting

1.    Clean out your fingernails with another fingernail;

2.    Bite the annoying bit of your fingernail that is hanging off, without anyone else noticing;

3.    Stare out the window;

4.    Look at the one or two mind-numbing pictures on the wall for the tenth time that month and wonder how long they’ve been there, whose job it is to change them, and question why we couldn’t we have something a bit more inspiring hanging on the wall.

5.    Look down at your thighs and or gut and ascertain whether or not it’s time to start that fitness regime – decide it is, and make a mental note;

6.    Analyse the presenter’s clothes, stance, mannerisms and level of attractiveness;

7.    Try for a nose hair, but must be a quick and one-fluid motion, like a tic.

8.    Fantasise.

9.    Think about what you have to do after this meeting;

10.  Think about the fact that you go to too many meetings and find a strategy for how you can cut back.

X’s farewell

It was always going to be interesting attending X’s farewell.  The reason for his departure (well known) is due to the clear and present personality clash between him and his boss.  How will this play out when forced to make the farewell speech?  Would he go for the....

i.    ”Nice as pie, blatant lie” option; completely ignore the fact that there was no love lost and make up something nice to say about the aforementioned boss.  AKA: bet-hedging.

ii.    ”Avoidance” option; no mention of the boss, but instead talk about how he would miss all his wonderful friends at the company.  AKA: sly dig.

iii.    “Tongue-in-cheek” option; all references to boss delivered in a sarcastic tone, with a few rolls of the eyes added in for effect.  AKA: I’m leaving the industry.

iv.    ”Who gives a F...K” option; I’m going all out, he cant hurt me now, I’m leaving anyway, tell-all expose… only to come across him in another company five years down the track.  AKA: amnesia rules, OK?

v.    Variation of immediate above; but just add alcohol.  AKA: start the car – I’ll be right there.